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It was the curse of the comprimario. The ones who had names were the leads, but the only time I sang those was in the deepest boonies where I was the best the cash-strapped folks could afford, and they paid so poorly I was better off financially sticking to Marullos.Actually, in Turandot my role wasn't a character at all, just a plot convenience. He comes out at the beginning of Act I to lay out what film director Alfred Hitchcock used to call the "MacGuffin," the contrivance that underlies the whole opera. In this case it's that Princess Turandot is a man-hater who's said she'll only marry a guy who can solve three riddles she's thought up. The catch is that he has just one try, and they'll chop off his head if he can't get all three. My mandarin explains all this to the chorus, which already knows it of course, but the audience gets to hear, too. Then he explains it again halfway into the second act, just in case some numbnuts in the box seats wasn't paying attention the first time. The slight but present cheesy smeg under the rim of my knob was powerful and this was the plan I wanted testing. How would she react to natural scent other than manufactured ones?“Holly, Holly, here; there’s a good girl,” I wooed her gently.Her button nose inched forward and I could feel her hot breath on my purple-headed prick. God knows what I would have done if she thought it was an edible offering, but she ate stuff off fingers so I guessed I wasn’t in too much danger. There was no danger; no interest either as she backed away. I wanked my cock a little and offered it in what I thought would be an enticing way. Holly was not the least bit interested, which surprised me to some extent, knowing the way dogs like to stuff their noses into both male and female crotches at any chance they get.Plan B. My finger immediately went into the Marmite jar still opened. Her nose crinkled once more as my brown sticky digit transferred from the table top to within reach of her. I raised my feet.
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